So many thoughts have been buzzing around in my head lately, but as soon as I sit down to type them out, they all dissapear....
Bother.....
Let us see........something profound I think, if only my thoughts hadn't fled me.....
Bother.....
Let us see........something profound I think, if only my thoughts hadn't fled me.....
Well, aren't I just a silly little girl?
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Well....It's bee 5 days since I sent this post to drafts I'm still not quite sure what I'll do with it....
I was thinking earlier tonight ( I know, me thinking, shocking isn't it?), anywho, I was thinking earlier tonight, wait, let me start from the beginning (Sorry, I'm rambling, and this is turning into a huge run-on sentnce right? )
O-K...So my grandparents are over right? Yes, they are; and I had just finished playing the piano for them and was looking at my grandfather. Then, I realized, I really didn't know what he looked like, and I studied his features, and they were..foriegn...for lack of a better word. He has always been more of a presence. He didn't seem any different than usual, it was just . . I was thinking, 'Here's this man, he looks the same as always, to me anyways, but this physical body is just incasing an ever-aging soul. He's getting older every day, finding new limitations to his physical body. He's having to face the thought of death. He doesn't seem to be any different then ever before, but, I've been alive for 16 years, he's getting old.' And as I gazed at him I realized I really didn't know his face that well, and then a depressing thought, occured: When he dies, as all of us will do eventually, I won't remember his face. I'll remember he was a big man, and I'll remember the way he made me feel, I'll remember the way his presence felt, but I won't remember his face, he'll turn into nothing more than a warm memory I'll have of a long ago past. I studied his face for a long time after those thoughts passed through my mind. He still doesn't seem all that different to me now, than he did when I was younger, though. I don't want to forget his face, his kind blue eyes, the way his hair curves (and he has a good head of hair, all of it his), his well perserved skin (barely any wrinkles on that man). *sigh*
I know you might be thinking, 'How on Earth could you forget your grandfather's face?!'
You have to understand, I don't remember things. I remember smells and feelings how bright the lighting is, or the mood of the room, but I dismiss,or I guess you could say take for granted, the things I see, so I don't remember them.
An Example If You Need One:
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Well....It's bee 5 days since I sent this post to drafts I'm still not quite sure what I'll do with it....
I was thinking earlier tonight ( I know, me thinking, shocking isn't it?), anywho, I was thinking earlier tonight, wait, let me start from the beginning (Sorry, I'm rambling, and this is turning into a huge run-on sentnce right? )
O-K...So my grandparents are over right? Yes, they are; and I had just finished playing the piano for them and was looking at my grandfather. Then, I realized, I really didn't know what he looked like, and I studied his features, and they were..foriegn...for lack of a better word. He has always been more of a presence. He didn't seem any different than usual, it was just . . I was thinking, 'Here's this man, he looks the same as always, to me anyways, but this physical body is just incasing an ever-aging soul. He's getting older every day, finding new limitations to his physical body. He's having to face the thought of death. He doesn't seem to be any different then ever before, but, I've been alive for 16 years, he's getting old.' And as I gazed at him I realized I really didn't know his face that well, and then a depressing thought, occured: When he dies, as all of us will do eventually, I won't remember his face. I'll remember he was a big man, and I'll remember the way he made me feel, I'll remember the way his presence felt, but I won't remember his face, he'll turn into nothing more than a warm memory I'll have of a long ago past. I studied his face for a long time after those thoughts passed through my mind. He still doesn't seem all that different to me now, than he did when I was younger, though. I don't want to forget his face, his kind blue eyes, the way his hair curves (and he has a good head of hair, all of it his), his well perserved skin (barely any wrinkles on that man). *sigh*
I know you might be thinking, 'How on Earth could you forget your grandfather's face?!'
You have to understand, I don't remember things. I remember smells and feelings how bright the lighting is, or the mood of the room, but I dismiss,or I guess you could say take for granted, the things I see, so I don't remember them.
An Example If You Need One:
A few days after we moved into our new house last winter, I had all but forgotten our old house. Oh sure, if you brought up a certain memory I could recall it, but if I try to find one myself it eludes me. I moved from one house to another.
Simple as that.
I had always thought myself just well adjusted, accepting of change easily (something that used to be difficult for me, but a "talent" I fought with my subconsious for over the years). I never really think about the past, nor do I like to think about the future (something that is driving my parents crazy by the way). I always preferred living in the 'now' .
But tonight, thinking about it....thinking about my grandfather...
I don't know....
But tonight, thinking about it....thinking about my grandfather...
I don't know....
Will I..Or moreover: Should I fight for such things back?
Could I?
Is it really that important?
Is it a weakness to have such troubled memories floating around in my head, a streangth?
I guess balance is the answer to that question (quite frankly I think balance is the answer to all of life's problems.)
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Mememories are films about ghosts.
How true is it?
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